Doesn't Mean Anything
I wanted to cry out loud
And I couldn't
I was trapped in those small four-walls room
With no one, nothing
My hands are trembled
The sad horrifying score was playing on
Sounds I couldn't resist and terrible images went on
Home had been so far away
No one could hear me as I'm alone
I'm so sorry I let you down
Tears couldn't stream down my pale face
As I held them back
Instead I put a smile one
I wanted to tell you everything but I couldn't
You fought so hard to believe in me
These silver lining would ruin everything
That you and I built so long ago
No one could hear me as I'm alone
I'm so sorry I let you down
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
5:00 PM
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Say Goodbye
Dear blog,
I haven't spoken with you in such a long time
Particularly when I need someone or even something to talk about what happened in these past few months.
Frankly, I did change a lot.
I guess meet some people make me notice. I guess get in touch with them truly change how I am and how I react through even worse circumstances.
But now things are blurry again. I fell apart and no one seems to follow.
My parents used to think I'm 12 instead of 21.
Father convinced me that I have to get the best, but in order to get that far I have to do everything I could. Strangely he always thinks 'everything' includes in our comfort zone.
Mother, on the other hand, still consider that I'm a baby. So she heard everything father said and not giving another complaints.
It's just totally wrong!
I realized, we can't choose our parents. They are give to us as we are to them.
Nothing's gonna change that.
So blaming them and the whole clan is never gonna work.
You know, but lived far away from them got me thinking lot and a lot more.
I am me.
I actually matters to them a lot more than I think.
But it's my every own right and chances to do a lot more.
When they just told me not to do so.
You seriously won't believe my parents.
The idea of me working on television industry might be their worst, particularly in this country.
Where in here you might always be judged by your outer side.
So I'm asking how this would happen? Will I ready to cross some lines?
So many people laughed out loud like in front of my face when I told them I wanna work on television industries.
They might not understand how am I gonna survive. Or people just considered me as a dumb-ass who went to uni just to get a degree. Perhaps they think I was a lame chinese who wants to be an entertainer in her own country.
They thought I will do some marketing-sellings or being a Public Relations.
Which is not the path that I wanted.
They can't distinguish anyway. *I am so gonna slap them in the face!
I just want to rip off their ear by scream and say that I would've never thought of working on this country.
But I just don't want my parents to be upset that they cannot send me overseas and make me happy.
So I finally learned to let go of some cruel face I am not supposed to get.
Now I've been wondering those questions.
Am I even on the right track? Will I finally get what I fought for? Am I good enough?
I am not ready to say goodbye to future career. It seems so far away I cannot reach it.
I dropped so many tears to fight for it.
I am broken-hearted and nothing could fix it.
Dreams.
Does it even matter to you?
Does this even matter to me?
Do I matter to you?
I'm not ready if I lose all my dreams that I've build and I've dreamed at night.
I don't want to say goodbye.
But you're so vague I can't see you.
When I can't hold you in my hands,
when you are impossible to reach
when they won't agree with you and with me
when you are way too far, too devious, too painful,
it might be the right time to say,
let me let you go
If I seem distant
Baby I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there’s no script to follow
So I just close my eyes
That way it won’t hurt so much
When we say goodbye
-Katharine McPhee-
Labels: destruction, Life, thoughts, truth
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
10:20 PM
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I Write Sins Not Tragedies
I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!" - Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Simply said, but the whole things can be cleared
So many people who consider us subordinate and darkened
They suddenly knock us off by telling us "Yeah, I know" or "what is wrong with you?"
No you don't, you won't.
Look at them in the eye and said that you're not fine, everybody isn't fine
How shallow other people
Just leave us like a caveman
It might take a hundred years
Leave us and we will talk until we're ready
Don't act like you know everything that happened before our eyes
People have no idea what we've been through
So close the goddamn door, mind your own businesses and shut your eyes
Labels: Lyrics, poetry, Quote
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
11:22 PM
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Misguided Ghosts
Paramore - Misguided Ghosts
1, 2, 3, 4
I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,
And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction
I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles
Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,
And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles. Labels: Lyrics, Music, song
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
10:42 PM
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♥ Demi Lovato - World Of Chances ♥
You've got a face for a smile, you know.
A shame you waste it when you're breaking me slowly.
But I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.
I've got a paper and pen.
I go to write a goodbye and that's when I know I've
got a world of chances for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.
Ohhh, I'm going my own way.
My faith has lost its strength again.
& Ohhhh, it's been too hard to say we've fallen off the edge again.
We're at the end.
We're at the end.
Maybe you'll call me someday.
Hear the operator say the numbers no good and that she had a world of chances for you.
She had a world of chances, for you.
She had a world of chances, chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through.
You've got a face for a smile, you know.
Labels: Lyrics, Music, song
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
12:06 AM
0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}
Come In With The Rain
♥ Taylor Swift - Come In With The Rain ♥
I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there anymore
And I know all the steps
Up to your door
But I don't want to go there anymore
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky, talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find
I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm to tired tonight to call your name
Just know im right here hoping
that you'll come in with the rain
I could stand up
And sing you a song
But I don't want to have to go that far
And I, I've got you down, I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start
Talk to your self, Talk to the tears, talk to the man who put you here
And don't wait for the sky to clear
I've watched you so long, screamed your name
I don't know what else I can say
I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm to tired tonight for all these games
Just know I'm right here hoping
that you'll come in with the rain
I could go back to every laugh
But i don't want to go there anymore
Labels: Lyrics, Music, song
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
11:33 PM
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In Another Life
♥ The Veronicas - In Another Life ♥
I have known you my whole life
When you were ten, you said you'd make me your wife
Eight years later you won me over
Just as I took the world on my shoulders
I got used to living without you
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you
Always said that you were my man to be
But I guess I was in love with your memory
You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life
I know I said that I would keep my word
I wished that I could save you from the hurt
But things will never go back to how we were
I'm sorry I can't be your world
The way you're holding on to me
Makes me feel like I can't breathe
Just let me go, just let me go
It just won't feel right inside
God knows I've tried
In another life ... Labels: Lyrics, Music, song
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
11:24 PM
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Between The Lines
♥ Sara Bareilles - Between The Lines ♥
Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go
Labels: Lyrics, Music, song
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
11:12 PM
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Hearing Damage
Thru all the mankind ever existedWe shall be grateful of what are weI, one of them, indeedI, listen carefully, walks by slowlyThru all the mankind ever livedSome of you speak, shout, yell, and protestYour kind amongst us, be itHave no idea , you think run bestLet there be only your two lips and one earLet mine live normallyPray for your hearing damage, dearYou shall let me view you, constantlyMy existence, your problemGhosts of your memoryMy painless hours happened without themRemains as bruises, you can unsee meLabels: poetry
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
11:23 AM
1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}
Turn and Face The Strange
Sew me up
Tell me I'm a doer
Let me put my head upon your shoulder
so I can cry on when I fall
Fix me
I have a bigger scar than it looks
Bruises may subside
But ten years gone and it remains
If I am weak
If I unsee small little strentgh that left on me
How can I be against?
I know you don't know me at all
Because I certainly don't either
I surrender to autism
I feel world won't care
So I don't
Let's go to a better time
Where human may eat and drink without killing each other
Effortlessly be the change we want
By turning ourselves and facing the strange
Seems like a million years later
not in earth
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
6:46 PM
1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}
I am Me, with all my courage, ego, hope, and my own dream, together with all my life, heart, my mind, and fate.. Somehow, I'm surviving, which humanize me.. Because of all the trying and struggling, sometimes I fall and some days God lift me up... 
