apparently needs VICODIN.!

Break Up

This is a completely utterly random thoughts which does not relate with any kind of real life.
But this is inspired by an acceptable beautiful story of other life, fictional case, other people, other place, different time, other story, another selves. I just made them a pretty words though.

Been up all night, listening to your voice
I feel it started to fade away
With any kind of possibility
Then you drift away

I'm thinking of you, solely
I don't ever want to forget you
The best part and your worst, only
I always want to miss you

My weary soul is aching
Your presence is all I ever need
There's nothing else I can't do
I just need to hear you sing

For a moment I thought you were there
Been calling up your name
Unanswered question brings me memories
Seeing your innocent eyes, my bliss

Your dreamy touch lingers
Songs you wrote left me unbroken
Love you gave shaped a smile
I wish you the best, I guess

One day I will see you
My heart stays missing you
Dear lover, I will let you go
But a part of me still adore you so

Labels: love, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

2:50 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

N.U.M.B.

I just realized that:
George O'Malley died. He died.
He got hit by a bus. And he died.

You know, I feel as complicated as "I don't watch Korean dramas, don't ask me about them. Just ask me how George O'Malley died and how I felt about it."

I lied. I always thought that instead of "two is better than one", I think "one is better than two".

And if you ask me about that again. I'm gonna press charges.!

Labels: destruction, habit, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

7:32 PM

4 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

I'm Scared

“Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes to simply be human. Maybe, we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”

Meredith Grey

“There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back."

Lucas Scott

“Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can.”

Nicholas Sparks

Love of mine, someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

“The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was ten – my very first suture kit. I used it until my fingers bled, and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers. It put me on the path to becoming a surgeon. My point is sometimes the best gifts come in really surprising packages."

Meredith Grey

Labels: Life, Quote, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

10:10 AM

1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Say Goodbye

Dear blog,
I haven't spoken with you in such a long time
Particularly when I need someone or even something to talk about what happened in these past few months.
Frankly, I did change a lot.
I guess meet some people make me notice. I guess get in touch with them truly change how I am and how I react through even worse circumstances.
But now things are blurry again. I fell apart and no one seems to follow.

My parents used to think I'm 12 instead of 21.
Father convinced me that I have to get the best, but in order to get that far I have to do everything I could. Strangely he always thinks 'everything' includes in our comfort zone.
Mother, on the other hand, still consider that I'm a baby. So she heard everything father said and not giving another complaints.
It's just totally wrong!
I realized, we can't choose our parents. They are give to us as we are to them.
Nothing's gonna change that.
So blaming them and the whole clan is never gonna work.

You know, but lived far away from them got me thinking lot and a lot more.
I am me.
I actually matters to them a lot more than I think.
But it's my every own right and chances to do a lot more.
When they just told me not to do so.

You seriously won't believe my parents.
The idea of me working on television industry might be their worst, particularly in this country.
Where in here you might always be judged by your outer side.
So I'm asking how this would happen? Will I ready to cross some lines?

So many people laughed out loud like in front of my face when I told them I wanna work on television industries.
They might not understand how am I gonna survive. Or people just considered me as a dumb-ass who went to uni just to get a degree. Perhaps they think I was a lame chinese who wants to be an entertainer in her own country.
They thought I will do some marketing-sellings or being a Public Relations.
Which is not the path that I wanted.
They can't distinguish anyway. *I am so gonna slap them in the face!

I just want to rip off their ear by scream and say that I would've never thought of working on this country.
But I just don't want my parents to be upset that they cannot send me overseas and make me happy.
So I finally learned to let go of some cruel face I am not supposed to get.

Now I've been wondering those questions.
Am I even on the right track? Will I finally get what I fought for? Am I good enough?
I am not ready to say goodbye to future career. It seems so far away I cannot reach it.
I dropped so many tears to fight for it.
I am broken-hearted and nothing could fix it.

Dreams.
Does it even matter to you?
Does this even matter to me?
Do I matter to you?
I'm not ready if I lose all my dreams that I've build and I've dreamed at night.
I don't want to say goodbye.
But you're so vague I can't see you.
When I can't hold you in my hands,
when you are impossible to reach
when they won't agree with you and with me
when you are way too far, too devious, too painful,
it might be the right time to say,
let me let you go

If I seem distant
Baby I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there’s no script to follow
So I just close my eyes
That way it won’t hurt so much
When we say goodbye
-Katharine McPhee-

Labels: destruction, Life, thoughts, truth

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

10:20 PM

2 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Wanna Be Startin' Something

Kapan yah bisa sekolah film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi sutradara film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi penulis naskah film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi sutradara video klip?
Kapan yah bisa jadi interpreter?
Kapan yah bisa jadi editor in chief?
Kapan yah bisa jadi Creative Director?
Kapan yah bisa jadi stage director?
Kapan yah bisa menerima Oscar?
Kapan yah masuk nominasi Emmy Awards?
Kapan yah masuk di asosiasi WGA?

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

9:32 PM

1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Tomorrow

Wah, sudah mendekati hari-hari keberangkatan ke Jakarta. 3 hari lagi saya akan bekerja magang selama 3 bulan. I guess it's pretty funny karena saya seperti tidak ada semangat untuk berangkat. Mungkin mengingat bahwa bekerja di lingkungan yang bukan saya tinggali seperti biasanya membuat saya lebih gugup. Saya pernah merasakan hal ini satu tahun lalu. Berbeda dengan semangat dan senyum yang saya berikan tahun lalu, saya merasa sedikit lebih hampa dan gugup di tahun ini. Sebab banyak hal-hal yang masih belum pasti, lingkungan yang sama sekali baru, saya pun tidak akan tinggal di rumah saudara lagi. Saya ngekos, hal yang pertama kali saya lakukan selama 21 tahun hidup.

Persiapan yang kurang juga menambah rasa tidak siap. Terlebih lagi bayangan yang lalu berkelebat di benak saya. Yang lebih parah, lebih banyak saya bayangkan kegagalan-kegagalannya. Mulai dari ketidakberhasilan mewawancarai narasumber yang kurang nyambung dalam menjawab hingga menumpahkan gelas berisi air di meja makan institut milik Akbar Tandjung. Aduh, tampaknya seperti Betty Suarez kedua, versi sedikit lebih gagal dan lebih pesimis. Wah, taun ini saya harus bertindak minimal seperti Betty. Saya tidak perlu mundur karena walaupun tidak semampu orang lain dalam beberapa hal, saya bukan menjadi orang yang pesimis dan tolol menangisi keadaan seperti yang biasa lakukan.

Lalu saya pun teringat perkataan Amanda, rekan Betty yang blonde dan cantik sayangnya sedikit bloon. Amanda akhirnya mengaku pada Betty bahwa ia iri pada Betty. Semua orang mencintai Betty karena dia Betty. Sementara Amanda sering dipilih karena ia cantik. Selebihnya ia bukan siapa-siapa. Memang saya harus selalu mengingat kasus Amanda ini. Karena setelah Amanda berkata begitu, saya pun otomatis ngomong bahwa "kasian ya yang kaya, cantik, langsing, populer.Karena beberapa dari mereka tentu lebih dipilih tapi lebih karena mereka itu punya sifat2 di atas (ya walau tidak semua yg seperfect itu hatinya buruk sih)... Jadi bahagia saja menjadi orang yang pas-pasan dalam banyak hal. " Saya juga menunggu banyak berkat dan kejutan Tuhan karena saya saat ini mencoba untuk sabar. Saya mencoba untuk menjalani semuanya dengan tanpa prasangka buruk bahwa semua yang telah saya kerjakan dan saya bangun dengan susah payah akan hancur sebelum waktunya. Hanya karena ada orang lain yang jauh lebih percaya diri memanfaatkan kesempatan mereka lebih keras dari saya.

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

12:39 PM

1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Insensitive

You know in this particular holiday, people keep complaining about how bad the food is, how they got a fever during trip, how ugly the hotel looks, how the waitress' don't serve them well, why the planes are delayed, how they couldn't stand the look of the bathroom, how hot/cold the weather is, how their weights move to right a little bit, how heavy the luggages are, why is the city to crowd, how they wait too long, and hell of other stuffs I don't wanna hear.

You know what sucked the most? I've been having this typhoid fever just two weeks before my 21st birthday. And just right 1.5 months before slaving in one of the most developed national television. Damn! They have no rights complaining about all of those. OMG, typical Wilhelmina Slater. Or should I say Fey Sommers?

You have it all. So, instead of cursing and complaining enjoy the freakin' happy time! It occurs to me that I have to crash in the hospital for about a week and my mother and father spending a lot of money and energy for me. Not a good sign. Because I still need to buy a cellphone because a bitch stole it. OMG I'm sort of broke and even money deficit. No time for happy holiday. All I see is grumpy nurses all complaining about how tiny my veins are. So the psychos abused them when placing the syringe to suck my damn blood. By 5 days, I got 10 bruises.

And after that, I have to rest at home all the time and pretend I'm healthy as I look. My left abdomen still hurt sometimes. I'm hungry all the time. I must not eat vegetables. I always wake up at about 4-6 AM because the nurses on hospital always woke me up at 5 to check my BP. Suck it up. I'm bored at home but what can I do? I have to save energy for I'm about to work in early August and it is gonna be hard and harsh. So I don't want to be sick. Well it is said that the bacteria will still live in patient's body for years. I don't want the fever coming back when I'm working.

So yes, I have no time laying my head on the beach or tasting a delicious meal or staying in a fine hotel and eat a on a fancy restaurant. My birthday is coming up and I hope to be happy, people. So if you have time for it, please don't ever say nasty things about it. Perhaps my health and heart suck, ooh and my liver as well. But I still have a life. I'm definitely here and aging! HAHA...

Labels: destruction, Holiday, Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

9:31 PM

2 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Nobody Knows

Money. Fame. Smile. Fake. Dream. Hope. Lose. Relation. Problem. Shine. Fall. Happiness. Falter. Strength. Weakness. Far. Devastated. Slim. Shout. Glow. Wish. Victory. Humiliation. Scar. Heart. Feel. Fraud. Burden. Inferiority. Star. Hatred. Identity. Dreadful. Sin. Calm. Care. Scream. Love.

Nobody Knows
A hundred faces at a time
Nobody Knows
How it would leave a scar
Nobody Knows
It'll let us shine
Nobody Knows
What wishes and dreams turn into
Nobody Knows

Labels: Life, poetry, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

12:27 AM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Guilty

Sedang membuka portfolio lama saya dan menemukan beberapa hal mengejutkan seperti betapa saya terlalu banyak berbohong untuk sekedar menjadi Percaya Diri... The truth is I'm not. I can't... So I should probably work on this later on... God forgive me!

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

1:47 AM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

You're Not Sorry

Just so you know
I've always wanted to be grateful
for every single thing
for every moment
for every hours
for every people who passes by
for every chances to fight
for every songs I've listened
for every pain that couldn't subside
for every words I wrote and read
for every disappointment left for me
for tears I have to wipe
for every little piece of happiness you won't let me have
for every sheep I count in my sleep
for every shelter I count on
for every shows that I've watched
for lessons I've learned
for second opinion

But just so you know
you succeed to make me a failure
and even for a sec I am haunted by
You always come around
You told me I have to be happy
but you do it vice versa to yourself

Thank you for making me just the way I am supposed to be
and you're not sorry for what you did
How could I believe you then?

Dedicated to:
people who lose their hope and just want to give up
people who believe they will falter
people who can't even take a glimpse look at the mirror
just to see themselves smile
me

Labels: Life, poetry, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

8:27 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Save Me

This is the night
When I should look at the computer and start doing my job
This is a night
I am thinking how a line has connected us

I thought you make my life miserable
And you might think I'm a mess myself
I used to think you are better
I used to think I could save you

You are a pain in the ass
The one that makes it deteriorates
I am sorry you're different
I am sorry you don't comprehend

I am a wacky and uncontrollable
I am a heroine of my own version
I am still have to please you
I might not

I have a little faith
Of what I have done before
and you've got to understand
because I am wacky kind of genius

These ties abandoned me for times I don't know
I am longing for a release
Would someone save me
and make me any better?

Until they subside
I'd bring just a piece of happiness myself
I believe that angels sent me you
But I just haven't understood how you could be so cunning

Labels: Life, poetry, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

11:49 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

A Storm Is Going To Come

Cuman kangen sama INI:

sejak tidak ada dia, aku menjadi merasa lebih tidak berguna dari sebelumnya
sejak tidak ada dia aku semakin pelupa
sejak tidak ada dia, buyarlah semua konsentrasi dan harga diri
sejak tidak ada dia, kekecewaan-kekecewaan orang lain pada diriku semakin bertambah

Tidak ada satu hari pun tanpa aku merindukan kehadirannya
Tidak ada satu hari pun aku mengingat masa indah bersamanya
Aku lebih dari sekedar butuh, tapi dia adalah sebagian hidupku
dan sejak saat itu hidup terasa jauh lebih melelahkan untuk dijalani
Dengan caraku sendiri, aku hanya bisa mengingat dia

Dia bukan sekedar barang, dia kasih sayang dari orang tua
Dia bukan sekedar bongkahan seperti batu bata, dia lullaby sebelum aku tidur
Dia bukan sekedar alat komunikasi, dia membantuku bernyanyi dan membangunkanku sebelum sekolah
Dia adalah dia
Dan dia menghilang sebelum aku sempat lelah bersamanya dan berkata selamat tinggal

Labels: Life, poetry, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

3:55 PM

6 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

She Works Hard For The Money

Just because I don't have Bold, it doesn't mean that I am not bold
Just because there are no money left, it doesn't make me a leftover
I fall apart but don't leave me behind
I said I get over it, but I can't seem to get rid of it

They wore well outfits, classy bags and fine shoes
I just have trashy ones, and I can't barely walk with my own shoes
I am poorly educated as my brain cannot do well for lessons
But I will have to be great, because I later have to work

Millions money they have spent seemed worthless and kinda fun
Yet I don't have money to buy another
And yes father blamed me for what another has done to me
Therefore I am worthless and funny

When I said I need four years time to be done
It is because it isn't enough for me
The day after tomorrow, I have to earn money and get another lessons
So tomorrow I have to be done

Where were you when everything is falling apart?
Trust me it's like losing so much blood and B.P. is dropping
So all we wait is for another one straight line and no beeping in the monitor
Another numbered days you insist me to count
But I just don't want to lay there for now

Another year means that I am blessed
But this year has no good start
But this year ain't over yet
I want to believe it does me any good on the second part

Labels: poetry, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

8:40 AM

1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

What's Going On?

Jika pintar, sebenarnya kita perlu menanyakan apa sih perlunya:

Baju bagus dan banyak
Hape Blackberry serta gadget lain yg mentereng
Gonta-ganti pacar
Nongkrong di cafe ngetop
Makan di resto mahal
Pake baju dan make up merk ternama
"Ngeksis" di mall ke mall di malam minggu padahal ada banyak PR yang perlu diselesaikan

Sayangnya kita memang ternyata tidak pintar2 amat mengalahkan semua kearbitreran. Tidak hanya daftar di atas saja, melainkan hal lain yang sudah dilakukan biasa2 saja padahal sebenarnya mengganggu.

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

9:30 PM

1 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

The Way I Are

Wild Cat says:
I do more Grey's-ing than everybody else, so people should be proud if they are called "Jess the sequel"
Wild Cat says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Wild Cat says:
mboh

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

8:47 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

The Same Old Story

Kalo berbicara tentang wanita, selalu identik adalah:

Feeling
Beauty
Cry
Love
Tough
Heart

and so on...

Tetapi, ketika berbicara tentang zaman globalisasi, banyak juga perempuan selalu membicarakan:

baju
sepatu
tas
make up
cowok
uang
jalan2
bahagia jangka pendek
gadget
mewah

Memang dua hal di atas sangat kontras sekali. Tidak tahu kenapa, semuanya boleh jadi bergeser di era serba gila ini. Tidak dapat dipungkiri, saya pun tergiur beberapa temptation di daftar kedua di atas. Namun, yang sekali lagi lupa dipikirkan sebagian wanita, adalah yang di list pertama. Di mana daftar ciri khas wanita tulen itu menjadi suatu yang mestinya tak tergantikan.

Wanita, begitu diucapkan kata itu langsung membentuk konotasi yang indah jika dipikirkan. Sayangnya kelakuan beberapa wanita agaknya membuat dia menjadi kurang indah lagi. Wanita, merupakan seseorang yang diciptakan untuk membantu pria. Membantu juga bukan berarti "pembantu=disuruh-suruh". Sebab tanpa wanita, pria pun tenggelam dalam "pengertian dalam gua mereka sendiri". Ibarat suatu data yang jika disajikan sendirian dalam penelitian, sebagus apapun data itu tak akan ada artinya jika tak ada data pembanding.

Yah, jadi melanturlah omongan kali ini. Kembali lagi!
Saya sendiri ingin lebih berpikir bahwa wanita bukanlah pengemis buat pria.
Wanita justru merupakan seseorang yang menyelamatkan pria.
Ya, di sini mau tak mau memang jika berbicara wanita, pasti ada pria. Jenisnya cuman dua itu sih!
Seringkali, banyak yang terjebak kenyataan wanita haruslah secantik dan semewah mungkin supaya mendapatkan lelaki yang sepadan.
Banyak yang akhirnya menghalalkan segala cara menghancurkan perempuan lain demi tampak lebih berharga di mata orang-orang.

Pada akhirnya, esensi indah itu terkikis dengan seven deadly sins, bahkan lebih!
Ah, saya pun sering seperti itu. Tetapi saya sekarang berpikir lebih realistis daripada sebagian wanita-wanita lain.
Saya tidak ingin berucap bahwa pria merupakan segalanya buat wanita. Dan kita wanita berhak dapat apapun dan harus dapat apapun dari kerja keras pria.
Saya ingin supaya diri saya boleh tidak memikirkan kebahagiaan jangka pendek.
Misalnya kesenangan sehari saja, liburan yang cuman satu-dua bulan saja.

Saya pun percaya, orang yang sukses dapat mengandalkan diri sendiri
Serta dapat percaya pada kemampuan dan mau tidak menggantungkan diri pada orang lain.
Lalu, yang sukses merupakan wanita yang memiliki rencana dan impian untuk masa depannya. Bukan sekedar impian untuk dirinya sendiri, tapi buat ia juga bagikan dengan orang lain.
Kami, wanita, setara dengan para pria.
Bahkan kami lebih dapat mencintai dan lebih dapat mengungkapkan apa yang kami mau jika kami bisa, berbekal perasaan kami yang lebih peka..
Berbekal hati kami yang sering dilukai dan bahkan berbekal keberadaan diri kami yang sering dipertanyakan dan ditertawakan.

Labels: thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

8:39 PM

2 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

I Don't Give A Damn!

Target:

Mengusir sifat buruk plegmatis yaitu otak lambat dan terlalu baik sama orang walau dijahati
Menjadi NAZI ala Dr. Miranda Bailey
Membuktikan diri bahwa memang dapat diandalkan
Tidak mengeluh dan menganggap semuanya sebagai pembentukan karakter ampuh
Lulus dengan halal! Sebab sudah mengikuti semua prosedur yang diminta uni, di antaranya TOEFL di atas 500 pada awal kuliah, English I pada semester I, tidak terlambat satu mata kuliah pun hingga saat ini, tidak membebani orang tua karena pake harus SP mahal, hingga saat ini syukurlah IPK masih di atas 3,5, cukup aktif dalam organisasi tanpa meninggalkan kuliah, tidak bekerja dan tidak hamil semasa kuliah yang mungkin khusus bagiku dapat membuyarkan konsentrasi berkuliah karena otak saya lambat, Magang dengan layak dan tidak cepet2an menghabiskan durasi magang (berupa jam) dengan tak bertanggung jawab, Tidak pernah tidak lulus gara2 keteledoran semata yang kalo dipikir2 so silly.
Bisa tidak panik jika situasi terlanjur yang bikin glegar
Belajar mengutarakan pendapat
Stand out!

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

7:00 PM

2 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Gravity

My top 5 songs of the day!

I play them over and over again these days.
When I heard these songs it's like I've been losing my Gravity
So I thought, I Love this. The feeling to Save The Empty!
I Try very hard to concentrate on what I have to do
I've constantly asking myself, Am I Still The One who leave out these sheet as blank ones
So Here Comes Goodbye to all the so-called-burden
and then I'm coming to a very relaxing shit as known as rubbish-blogging-time
And I know in the night I have to work my ass off to complete what I have to do

1. Sara Bareilles - Gravity

2. Erin McCarley - Love, Save The Empty

3. Nelly Furtado - Try

4. Daniel Powter - Am I Still The One?

5. Rascal Flatts - Here Comes Goodbye

Labels: List, Music, song, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

4:27 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

Damaged

If there's a crisis, I don't freeze, I move forward. I get the rest of them to move forward. Because I've seen worse. I've survived worse, and I know they'll survive too. They say I'm all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes me who I am.!

Ingin mengucapkan kalimat itu sesering mungkin...

Walau pertama2 amazed oleh kata2 ini
Aku kembali berpikir, person who said this is not even real!
Bagaimana bisa aku mendalami kata-kata orang yang bahkan ga ada.
Bagaimana aku bisa percaya?

Tapi kupikir2 lagi
Yang bikin itu kan juga orang, I mean a real person actually wrote them down!
So, it's not a big deal

Aku mengenang kebahagiaan2 masa lalu
dan tertawa2 sendiri...
lebih ingin mencoba mengenang hidup...

daripada menangisi keputusasaan tidak berguna
dan membuang waktu
lalu memberikan senyum paling besar di wajah bahagia mereka

ke-dark and twisty-an ku...
menjadi kekuatan yang tak ternilai...
Because I've seen worse
and I've survived worse

I have survived more serious and outrageous experience
A lot!
I did!
Me alone..
With or without a help!
But I actually did!
Bravo me!

That is exactly the way I want to love myself
respect myself for who I am and what I've been through

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

9:49 PM

0 COMMENTs {pick me, choose me, love me!}

One Day I'll Fly Away

Status now:

bothering someone else's life
living as a parasite
mumbling
have to study and make a better life, yet she was distracted by how cruel life is
thinking why there is someone who's covered with jealousy all her way
thinking how Izzie should die
thinking why Derek says dark and twisty is a strength
thinking about dropped out from school
thinking when it's all said and done they have to let me go
thinking that melancholic phlegmatic is the most rubbish personalities ever existed if it is plant on a person like me
why she's still blogging and writing rubbish instead of doing school works and write features she's supposed to write
why she's so desperate that herself can barely calm down a little bit and taste happiness
why doesn't she tried to be happy and just fine even for a while
why is it by all the pretending to spread happy lives
thinking why can't she be fine for an hour minimum
why she hasn't make another impact on someone else's life
what is it about all the sudden-desperate thought that's abruptly goes through her mind and she can't block it
thinking that she has to start to be bold and useful to others
thinking that she'll have to survive another day, month, year, decade because her mission in life has not finished yet
praying she'll survive all this and start to think how great life is

Labels: Life, thoughts

"God love your soul and your aching bones.."

11:21 PM

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