You put me through this situation
It brings back the worst memory
The one that keeps me cry
In the middle of the night

As I said before I was haunted
I learned not to remember it
The one that made my dream
Woke me up early morning, in sorrow

But now
I took a deep breath
As I feel blessed
Because everything I've had
It is You who made me learned
How to fight every seconds
Live everyday like my last day
Because Your bless rains on me

I asked You everything in my prayer
Every situations I want to feel,learn,and see
I know You,Lord,be with me every seconds
Forever and always the angels never let me fall down

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

Now one year has gone
Same old feeling still remains
The anguish
The fear

Sometimes I know I can be better
But I am humanized by fear itself
The one that always brings me back one step backward
I know it kills

But to have faith
In something that I knew nothing about is just way bigger effort
I want to be thankful
But sometimes lonesome cover it up
I miss the optimistic
That once again flew away from myself
#END

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

Kapan yah bisa sekolah film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi sutradara film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi penulis naskah film?
Kapan yah bisa jadi sutradara video klip?
Kapan yah bisa jadi interpreter?
Kapan yah bisa jadi editor in chief?
Kapan yah bisa jadi Creative Director?
Kapan yah bisa jadi stage director?
Kapan yah bisa menerima Oscar?
Kapan yah masuk nominasi Emmy Awards?
Kapan yah masuk di asosiasi WGA?

Labels: Life, thoughts

Wah, sudah mendekati hari-hari keberangkatan ke Jakarta. 3 hari lagi saya akan bekerja magang selama 3 bulan. I guess it's pretty funny karena saya seperti tidak ada semangat untuk berangkat. Mungkin mengingat bahwa bekerja di lingkungan yang bukan saya tinggali seperti biasanya membuat saya lebih gugup. Saya pernah merasakan hal ini satu tahun lalu. Berbeda dengan semangat dan senyum yang saya berikan tahun lalu, saya merasa sedikit lebih hampa dan gugup di tahun ini. Sebab banyak hal-hal yang masih belum pasti, lingkungan yang sama sekali baru, saya pun tidak akan tinggal di rumah saudara lagi. Saya ngekos, hal yang pertama kali saya lakukan selama 21 tahun hidup.

Persiapan yang kurang juga menambah rasa tidak siap. Terlebih lagi bayangan yang lalu berkelebat di benak saya. Yang lebih parah, lebih banyak saya bayangkan kegagalan-kegagalannya. Mulai dari ketidakberhasilan mewawancarai narasumber yang kurang nyambung dalam menjawab hingga menumpahkan gelas berisi air di meja makan institut milik Akbar Tandjung. Aduh, tampaknya seperti Betty Suarez kedua, versi sedikit lebih gagal dan lebih pesimis. Wah, taun ini saya harus bertindak minimal seperti Betty. Saya tidak perlu mundur karena walaupun tidak semampu orang lain dalam beberapa hal, saya bukan menjadi orang yang pesimis dan tolol menangisi keadaan seperti yang biasa lakukan.

Lalu saya pun teringat perkataan Amanda, rekan Betty yang blonde dan cantik sayangnya sedikit bloon. Amanda akhirnya mengaku pada Betty bahwa ia iri pada Betty. Semua orang mencintai Betty karena dia Betty. Sementara Amanda sering dipilih karena ia cantik. Selebihnya ia bukan siapa-siapa. Memang saya harus selalu mengingat kasus Amanda ini. Karena setelah Amanda berkata begitu, saya pun otomatis ngomong bahwa "kasian ya yang kaya, cantik, langsing, populer.Karena beberapa dari mereka tentu lebih dipilih tapi lebih karena mereka itu punya sifat2 di atas (ya walau tidak semua yg seperfect itu hatinya buruk sih)... Jadi bahagia saja menjadi orang yang pas-pasan dalam banyak hal. " Saya juga menunggu banyak berkat dan kejutan Tuhan karena saya saat ini mencoba untuk sabar. Saya mencoba untuk menjalani semuanya dengan tanpa prasangka buruk bahwa semua yang telah saya kerjakan dan saya bangun dengan susah payah akan hancur sebelum waktunya. Hanya karena ada orang lain yang jauh lebih percaya diri memanfaatkan kesempatan mereka lebih keras dari saya.

Labels: Life, thoughts

You know in this particular holiday, people keep complaining about how bad the food is, how they got a fever during trip, how ugly the hotel looks, how the waitress' don't serve them well, why the planes are delayed, how they couldn't stand the look of the bathroom, how hot/cold the weather is, how their weights move to right a little bit, how heavy the luggages are, why is the city to crowd, how they wait too long, and hell of other stuffs I don't wanna hear.

You know what sucked the most? I've been having this typhoid fever just two weeks before my 21st birthday. And just right 1.5 months before slaving in one of the most developed national television. Damn! They have no rights complaining about all of those. OMG, typical Wilhelmina Slater. Or should I say Fey Sommers?

You have it all. So, instead of cursing and complaining enjoy the freakin' happy time! It occurs to me that I have to crash in the hospital for about a week and my mother and father spending a lot of money and energy for me. Not a good sign. Because I still need to buy a cellphone because a bitch stole it. OMG I'm sort of broke and even money deficit. No time for happy holiday. All I see is grumpy nurses all complaining about how tiny my veins are. So the psychos abused them when placing the syringe to suck my damn blood. By 5 days, I got 10 bruises.

And after that, I have to rest at home all the time and pretend I'm healthy as I look. My left abdomen still hurt sometimes. I'm hungry all the time. I must not eat vegetables. I always wake up at about 4-6 AM because the nurses on hospital always woke me up at 5 to check my BP. Suck it up. I'm bored at home but what can I do? I have to save energy for I'm about to work in early August and it is gonna be hard and harsh. So I don't want to be sick. Well it is said that the bacteria will still live in patient's body for years. I don't want the fever coming back when I'm working.

So yes, I have no time laying my head on the beach or tasting a delicious meal or staying in a fine hotel and eat a on a fancy restaurant. My birthday is coming up and I hope to be happy, people. So if you have time for it, please don't ever say nasty things about it. Perhaps my health and heart suck, ooh and my liver as well. But I still have a life. I'm definitely here and aging! HAHA...

Labels: destruction, Holiday, Life, thoughts