I haven't spoken with you in such a long time
Particularly when I need someone or even something to talk about what happened in these past few months.
Frankly, I did change a lot.
I guess meet some people make me notice. I guess get in touch with them truly change how I am and how I react through even worse circumstances.
But now things are blurry again. I fell apart and no one seems to follow.
My parents used to think I'm 12 instead of 21.
Father convinced me that I have to get the best, but in order to get that far I have to do everything I could. Strangely he always thinks 'everything' includes in our comfort zone.
Mother, on the other hand, still consider that I'm a baby. So she heard everything father said and not giving another complaints.
It's just totally wrong!
I realized, we can't choose our parents. They are give to us as we are to them.
Nothing's gonna change that.
So blaming them and the whole clan is never gonna work.
You know, but lived far away from them got me thinking lot and a lot more.
I am me.
I actually matters to them a lot more than I think.
But it's my every own right and chances to do a lot more.
When they just told me not to do so.
You seriously won't believe my parents.
The idea of me working on television industry might be their worst, particularly in this country.
Where in here you might always be judged by your outer side.
So I'm asking how this would happen? Will I ready to cross some lines?
So many people laughed out loud like in front of my face when I told them I wanna work on television industries.
They might not understand how am I gonna survive. Or people just considered me as a dumb-ass who went to uni just to get a degree. Perhaps they think I was a lame chinese who wants to be an entertainer in her own country.
They thought I will do some marketing-sellings or being a Public Relations.
Which is not the path that I wanted.
They can't distinguish anyway. *I am so gonna slap them in the face!
I just want to rip off their ear by scream and say that I would've never thought of working on this country.
But I just don't want my parents to be upset that they cannot send me overseas and make me happy.
So I finally learned to let go of some cruel face I am not supposed to get.
Now I've been wondering those questions.
Am I even on the right track? Will I finally get what I fought for? Am I good enough?
I am not ready to say goodbye to future career. It seems so far away I cannot reach it.
I dropped so many tears to fight for it.
I am broken-hearted and nothing could fix it.
Dreams.
Does it even matter to you?
Does this even matter to me?
Do I matter to you?
I'm not ready if I lose all my dreams that I've build and I've dreamed at night.
I don't want to say goodbye.
But you're so vague I can't see you.
When I can't hold you in my hands,
when you are impossible to reach
when they won't agree with you and with me
when you are way too far, too devious, too painful,
it might be the right time to say,
let me let you go
If I seem distant
Baby I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there’s no script to follow
So I just close my eyes
That way it won’t hurt so much
When we say goodbye
-Katharine McPhee-
Baby I am
Words are like scissors in your hands
And there’s no script to follow
So I just close my eyes
That way it won’t hurt so much
When we say goodbye
-Katharine McPhee-
Labels: destruction, Life, thoughts, truth
"God love your soul and your aching bones.."
10:20 PM
10:20 PM
I am Me, with all my courage, ego, hope, and my own dream, together with all my life, heart, my mind, and fate.. Somehow, I'm surviving, which humanize me.. Because of all the trying and struggling, sometimes I fall and some days God lift me up... 
